Moving, Bad Hair, Umbrellas & Bacon
Comments:  3


My umbrella tuned inside out on me the other day. It turned inside out when I was walking to work, in the pouring rain, while walking on a really windy road. Cars were passing and children were sticking their heads out of windows – screaming “YOU ARE A WET FUCKER!” They then proceeded to throw spaghetti noodles at me.

Ok that last part isn’t true. Actually the vast majority of that proceeding paragraph could be described as “a complete and utter lie”. But I swear – I did get stuck in the rain and my umbrella did turn inside out. And by the time I finally got to work – I looked like I had pissed my pants. Good times.

So, why does this even matter? Well – I guess getting caught in the rain is a bit of a metaphor right now. In the past week, the life of WankerGirl has taken a few hits.

First off, I found out I have to move. My perfect little apartment will no longer be mine. I have been in this place for over 3 years and it is without a doubt – my home. But no longer. Its gonna be someone elses home now. BOooooooOOOooooo! This is the place I moved to after the big break-up of 2006. A really REALLY big deal at the time.

So it looks like I have to look for a new place. In the past few years – looking for an apartment in St. John’s has turned into an task similar to plastic surgery. Painful, expensive and you never end up with what you want. But alas, I must persevere and find my new home.

In addition to that – I am having to deal with an unpredictable volcano. I just recently planned a trip to London. Of course, this is ridiculously exciting, but there seems to be a volcano PMSing over in Iceland. If this volcano happens to have a “heavy flow” day when I am traveling – it could fuck up my plans.

All I want is to go to England, eat a crumpet and get laid. THAT’s ALL. But noooooooooooooooo. Sigh.

So as these things start to build up – I find myself pouting, lacking energy and eating a lot of tacos. Sweet, precious tacos.

But I mustn’t accept defeat! I know I should try to look at these set-backs as possibilities for new adventures! I am also trying to take more notice of all the small awesome things that make me happy. In turn – I am hoping they put some extra pep in my step.

In the past week I noticed 5 things that made me feel warm and fuzzy. Things that made me feel like my life isn’t spiraling into an out of control abyss that is overseen by overweight aliens from a planet named Urbuttolopolis.


What are those 5 happy things? Well I am so glad you asked.


Not only is this the greatest bacon ever – maple bacon can also serve as an air fresher. Oh yes! Its true! Several days after cooking this bacon, my house smelled like a sweet bacon heaven. It made me want to lick the air!


The book wasn’t really any good. But god dammit I still finished it!


This attempt at curly hair failed. But for a moment it was all worth it for the ridiculousness of this picture.



My brand new career as a roller derby girl has its up and downs. Most of these downs happen when I am falling hard on my ass or I’m being body checked into a wall. But just the other day – I got new wheels for my roller skates and they make me feel like a superstar! Moreover – they make me feel like a superstar that isn’t erratically rolling out of control – whose only means of stopping is banging into a wall or her face.

Update: Last night during roller derby I fell and landed on my skate. To be exact – one of my wheels went up my bum hole. While you take a moment to let that image sink in, I am going to go get more pain killers. Owwww.


On the bus one day I inadvertently put shuffle on my ipod. This is the happy magic that ensued. Cue dance party!


3 Responses to “Moving, Bad Hair, Umbrellas & Bacon”
  1. what is that embedded player. it’s phat and lovely. and i like it. 😉

  2. oh and best blog line ever..

    ‘All I want is to go to England, eat a crumpet and get laid. THAT’s ALL’


  3. Sharon Y says:

    Aww, I hope you found a place that you like. And I agree with Phil…best line ever.

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