Calendars are important. Well at least they are for people like me. Somewhere between the ages of 30-32 I lost the ability to remember anything. I never remember phone numbers, birthdays, scheduled events or even my own postal code. Its quite common for me to put important numbers to the tune of a popular song in an attempt to remember them. For years the only way I remembered the postal code to my old house was to sing it to the tune of “Strangers in the Night” by Frank Sinatra! God rest his sexy zombie soul! (Random Thought: Is Frank still “blue eyes” even though his body is decomposing at a rapid rate? And if given the chance would Frank bang Betty or Veronica? Just a few questions to ponder….)
Anyway, as a result of my delayed/retarded/pickled/overfed brain – in 2009 I decided to purchase a small monthly calendar that could easily fit in my purse. Unknowingly at the time – this calendar turned into a tiny diary. Every so often I would scribble down a few random notes about how my day went or how I was feeling. Generally most notes were incoherent and unreadable but a few did cause a giggle when I took a moment to read through the calendar – before I threw it out.
What the hell happened on this day? And why did I write Uh Oh? Did I accidentally have a one night stand with a dinosaur? God knows that would be awkward.
The only thing I honestly remember about this night is getting into a big argument about the Terminator films. I also remember something about whiskey. I now have a sudden desire to do this!
The day I had the greatest burger of my life. I guess I had some fries too.
On this day at approximately 6:15 PM – if you listened really closely you probably would have heard me screaming “Oh my fucking god! Cock! Shit! Mother Fucking! Cunt! I hate you!”. Then weeping.
Fuck Yeah! I came three times! I am a rockstar! Just like Axl Rose…except instead of signing – I masturbate! Woo hoo! I make my mom so mother fucking proud 🙂
In the year 2010, Betty Boop will be my guide. Side note: I am really concerned about the massive size of Betty’s head. As well, what happened to her neck? Maybe she has some bizarre genetic disease? Lets face it, the girl looks like a product of inbreeding…..But god damn…those legs really do look like heaven.
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