Being stood up sort of happens in slow motion. At first you think you showed up too early. Then you think the other person is just a little late. But then…eventually… it finally hits you – that fucking douche bag is not showing up.
Yes, it is true. I was stood up.
For approximately 45 minutes I sat in a bar – drank a pint of Guinness and waited for a guy who had no intention of ever showing up (even though he has asked me out only a few hours prior). He didn’t call, he didn’t text. That cocksucker just left me there. Strangely enough – I never for one second felt sad or pathetic. Why should I!? I had just gotten my hair done, I had a pretty dress on ( Note: A dress that showed the perfect amount of cleavage!) and that pint of Guinness I was drinking was like liquid heaven!
So upon realising that this guy was never showing up and that he had COMPLETELY wasted my time – I decided to be the adult. I decided to walk out of that bar with my dignity intact and have a lovely night anyway. I held my head high knowing that I was the mature adult in the situation.
Around 10 minutes after thinking this I realized maturity was boring. So I texted Mr. Douche Bag the following message:
“Who the fuck stands people up? OH! That’s right! Assholes do!”
By the end of that night I found myself in my favorite pub, surrounded by my favorite people. I was eating sour cream and bacon chips, chugging double Caesars and laughing my ass off.
I found out afterward that the guy who stood me up had fallen asleep. That’s why he never showed up. So I think we can safely assume – I had the better night.
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