2009 Sucked Ass!

Well, I guess that’s not completely true but its certainly the first thing that popped in my head when I decided to write this year-end blog post. 2009 was one fucker of a year and I am actually really happy to see it go. But its not my style to whine too much and maybe I should try a more “glass half full”  attitude. So, with some positive nostalgia lets looks back on the happy parts of 2009…woo hoo!

1. I Danced My First Burlesque Solo

When I first decided to take Burlesque dance lessons in the fall of 2008 I assumed it would be this silly little adventure that would turn into a lovely memory when the 5 week course ended. Holy Fuck was I wrong! My wonderful teacher “Miss Frankly Scarlet” unexpectedly asked me to join the Burley Q Babies Burlesque Troupe and I really haven’t looked back since. Every week I am surrounded by a room full of hot, amazing, witty, smart and hysterical women who do nothing but cheer me on and make me feel like a sex goddess! In September, I finally managed to muster the courage to do my first solo. Up to that point I had only danced in groups and I had never choreographed an entire number for myself. That night, as I waited backstage I think I sort of went into a bizarre trance because I didn’t notice the time ticking by. It was only when the host uttered the phrase “Next up is every geeks wet dream!” did I realize it was my turn to go on. So with a big deep breath and with legs made out of jelly, I walked on the stage to perform my first solo. And guess what? I was awesome!

2. I Went to Europe!

It had been around 10 years since I last stepped foot in Europe and I have to admit – its captured my heart. There is no need for me to regurgitate all the stories of my European adventures because all the bloggy details can be found right here:

Wanking Europe – Part 1
Wanking Europe – Part 2
Wanking in Europe – The Movie

3. I Became a Pinup!

Me and three other members of my burlesque troupe decided to get our pictures taken by the awesome Sandra Elford. We dressed up like slutty aerobics instructors, primped our hair and put our best cleavage forward. I have always hated getting my picture taken and over the years I have learned that I can’t smile like a normal person. Many times in the past I have forced an awkward smile and ended up looking like a retarded midget. So the lesson I learned in 2009 – forget about smiling and just bend over!!

4. I Signed Up For Roller Derby

That’s right folks! I have just recently joined the newly formed 709 Girls Roller Derby Team!! The crowd roars!!!!!

In homage to the wondrous Bettie Paige – I have decided to call myself Bettie Pain!!! So over the next few months I will be learning how to skate and more importantly – how to fall without breaking any bones or puncturing any internal organs. Just recently I heard a story about a girl getting one of her roller skate wheels shoved up her vagina. This story sort of terrifies me but as long as I can manage to NOT have sexual intercourse with any of my equipment – I am sure it will be kick ass!

5. I Went to the Top of the Empire State Building

empireI had never been on top of the Empire State Building before. In November 2009  – I was up there twice. Its rare to have a moment where you stop in your tracks and have your mouth drop open in awe. One of the most spectacular things I have ever seen is the sight of New York City at night from 86 stories. The ride up the elevator made my ears pop and my knees go all wobbly. It felt like I was traveling at the speed of light! When I finally reached the observation deck I was simply stunned by the view. I could see every twinkling light that New York City had to offer. For around 30 minutes, I walked around like an excited buffoon, I took some blurry pictures and I smiled as big as my face would allow 🙂

But Really…..

If I am to be honest, all of those amazing moments happened in the midst of me having a broken heart. Oh I know most of you are quite accustomed to me bitching, moaning and complaining about men – but this was different. Simply put, in 2009 – WankerGirl was blue. Every few months I would convince myself that I was fine, dust myself off and plow into life with the grace of a penguin. But I usually ended up flat on my face yet again – making piles of mistakes, saying things I regretted and listening to A LOT of sad music. (Side-note: Ingrid Michelson would make me blubber on a daily basis)

I probably never should have ventured into a relationship that was destined to fail…but fuck it! If you are going to make a fool out of yourself it better be over romance, hot sex and love. Being in love rocks harder than Axl Rose and although my happy ending is still a little out of reach – I don’t have many worries. I’m a really lucky girl and for a few brief moments I had an awesome guy looking at me like I was something else. It didn’t work out and heaven knows I shed a lot of tears…..but god dammit it was so fucking worth it! So after a full year, I think my blue heart has finally turned pick and I am pretty sure I am all ready to kick 2010 in the BALLS!!

So have a look at the video below, turn the volume up to 11 and lets say goodbye to the single digits.

Music: Gimmie Sympathy by Metric

After exhaustively babbling in two blog posts about my adventures in Europe – I thought it only fitting that I throw together a video. This little snapshot tells the story of a girl (me!) trying to cure a broken heart and discovering the only way she can do it is to leave the continent. Although a highly expensive form of therapy – nothing heals a wound quite like the combination of escape, champagne, pastry and shopping. Enjoy 🙂

Music: Submarine Symphonika by The Submarines

 
icon for podpress  Wanking in Europe - The Movie: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Although I have been quiet, please know that I am still alive and well :)  To prove it you can watch a few random video bits of my life – here, there and everywhere. Enjoy 🙂

 
icon for podpress  Blarm! - WankerGirl is Not Dead [5:47m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Follow me as I prepare for my first real BIG Burlesque performance. Lots of preparation and lots of nerves all lead to an awesome show. Lovely 🙂

 
icon for podpress  Blarm! - WankerGirl Takes You on a Day of Burlesque! [6:52m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download